Last Days

I had two days to live.  HIV-positive and succumbing to a normally benign bacterial strain, I was pretty pissed at my immune system.  Not only that, but my sister also had only two days to live because of a sudden, but equally as deadly, onset of cancer... and that knowledge alone made me gasp in pure agony.  I was responsible for telling our parents.  All that was going through my mind was that I didn't want them to feel any pain, however inevitable it would be.

Adventure and Butt Furrows

In an effort to get more worldly I was on a global adventure exploring new cultures and exciting environments, hoping to return with tales of wonder and majesty.  At this point I was in an cave-like enclosure within a farmland oasis while rain poured outside.  There was sand on the floors, driftwood burning, and 10 gorgeous ladies sitting on one side with an older woman on the other.  She announced that they were to take their vows and began chanting.  Soon the cave was filled with the voices of women declaring themselves as daughters of the fire crystals, heralding the end of each verse with "... and into the fire we shall return!" ... with the ceremony culminating in the older woman bursting into flames!

Fish Brings Apocalpyse

Living in a penthouse hotel suite at the edge of a 200 foot cliff overlooking crashing waves and beautiful views with my friends was a dream come true!  Only thing missing was fishing for this massively endangered species of pretty fish... so casting a long line over the cliff I reeled up a good 5 foot long meaty fish that shimmered in the sunset.

Oprah Hosts MK Tournament

I found myself at a very pristine, fancy table set with all the ravishing goodness a medical conference banquet could afford; aka. plastic plates.  I sat with a group of 10 doctors from a multitude of specialties and some speaker was lecturing about Godknowswhat when Oprah interrupts with her resounding voice: "Now everyone look under their seats!" and everyone obligingly followed her orders.

Unicorn on Speed Dial

Jane was on the other side of this chasm over a pit of lava and she wanted me to jump across, screaming, "You'll only NOT make it if you don't believe in yourself!"  So I tried to leap across this like, 30 foot gap and grasp onto one of the outcroppings of the far ledge... but I fell short and missed. So I died a fiery death.

Snow White Has Issues

As Prince Charming, I valiantly strove to save my beloved Snow White from the clutches of the Evil Queen. I'm sure you've heard that story so I'm skipping all the mushy-gushy plot details. Snow wakes up as soon as I plant a sloppy one on her cold lips and she sits up, overcome with love and joy looking healthy and hot again!  Endless celebrations all around as we walk off hand in hand along the paved streets of New York City.  However, a couple of blocks down Snow tears off in the opposite direction, running away from what should rightfully be our happy ending.

Starships Were Meant To Fly

This dream was from a couple years back

It was a super nice day.  Wind rushing through the tall green grasses of an open field with a few white fluffy clouds floating in the blue sky, but not enough to hide the glorious yellow sun, feeling all content and peaceful and all that warm fuzzy goodness brought on by a perfect day.  So what's a guy to do during a day like this?  "Eff this shiznit, I'm going SKYDIVING!... without a parachute!!" (I'm totally hxc like that). The thought was exhilarating to no end and I found myself up strapped up in a helicopter screaming and laughing maniacally like it was the best roller coaster ride ever.  Then I jumped.

Miley Sued For Gamma Ray Use

As Miley Cyrus, I was in the middle of figuring out which of my lives I liked better: a small town country bumpkin or *sticks hands underneath armpits and then takes a huge whiff* a SUPASTAH!  Naturally, this contemplation was brought about because I had fallen in love with two men from two different worlds (because boys are and should definitely be the most pivotal catalyst in a teenage girl's life).  I had refused to leave them behind while I toured the countryside, so I brought them both with me on my worldly exploits, each with his own trailer.

Masochist Warrior Triggers Protective Vengeance

My sister and I were back home in my parents' bedroom watching some Saturday morning cartoons (anyone remember when they were actually good?) when in busts this 8 foot tall dude decked out in a full suit of fancy medieval armor brandishing a massive longsword.  Caught off guard, he bum rushes me while my sister nimbly rolls out of the way.  Using my teleportation skills (I have magical powers!) I quickly recover and appear behind him with my sister and try to channel Harry Dresden from Jim Butcher's novels, screaming something along the lines of "ventas servitas" trying to summon a gust of wind to pin him against the bed.  He repels my attack and the gust of wind turns against me as he gets up and runs down the hallway.  Meanwhile, I try to set him on fire with my mind.  To no avail, I try to follow him through this set of doors which actually don't exist.

Greek Olympians Meets The Little Mermaid

Me, some chick in a white shirt (we'll call her Rachel), and this random guy Mike were just hanging out when the Greek goddess Hera appears all brown haired and statuesque and tells us that we must venture underwater to help out with a problem the Pantheon was having.  Swimming through the sea in what mostly consisted of jeans and t-shirts, we happen upon one of Poseidon's 4 brothers (cause you know, Poseidon had 2 other brothers mythology failed to record): this Enrique Iglesias-looking type dude chilling out on a rock in an underwater cave (now referred to as Enrique).  He tells us that Ursula (the evil fat octopus bitch from The Little Mermaid) was stealing the phytoplankton from the upper layers of the ocean by convincing the coral to trap them and weave intricate tiny tunnels from the sunlit areas of water down into the places where the sun don't shine using King Triton's big magical stick thing!