Oprah Hosts MK Tournament

I found myself at a very pristine, fancy table set with all the ravishing goodness a medical conference banquet could afford; aka. plastic plates.  I sat with a group of 10 doctors from a multitude of specialties and some speaker was lecturing about Godknowswhat when Oprah interrupts with her resounding voice: "Now everyone look under their seats!" and everyone obligingly followed her orders.

"Yes, that's right! Toothpaste for you!! And YOU!! and YOU get a toothBRUSH! AND toothpaste!!! WOOOO!!!"  Overjoyed at her announcement, all I could hear was velcro ripping sounds as doctors excited pulled little boxes out from underneath their chairs.  I got a bit greedy and stole my neighbor's toothpaste box while he was conveniently out to the bathroom at the time... Unfortunately he soon returned and I confessed my heart-wrenching guilt at stealing his toothpaste; but fortunately there was a completely unoccupied table to my left from which I could pilfer toothpaste and toothbrushes from to my heart's content.  Life was good

However, Oprah had another surprise for us.  Upon the balconies were lined every Mortal Kombat character ever designed with deathly murder in their eyes.  As Mileena pulled off her mask and lightning sizzled in Raiden's hand, I knew we were in for some deep shit.  With a wave of her magic wand, Oprah caused all the tables and food to disappear and opened a ballroom floor in the middle of the room.  Her voice booming, she announced, "First Fighter: Baraka! Humans, pick your champion!"

As Baraka launched himself off the balcony into a full somersault to land in the center of the ballroom, the crowd backed away from this crazy looking dude (refer to above picture for just how utterly terrifying this bloke is).  One doctor dude pushed his way to the front of the crowd, volunteering his services to defend the human race and Oprah screamed, "MORTAL KOMBAAAATTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!"

Insert completely unnecessary and useless, albeit freaking sick, dance sequence here.  Then commence some freestyle capoiera on behalf of the doc... interrupted with Baraka skewering the doctor with one of his arm swords through the poor guy's chest as he was performing a back bend, leaving a bloody mess on the floor.

As the guy slid off Baraka's blade with some really sickening squelching noises, my awareness was transferred to the ninjas who had arrived.  Sub-Zero, Scorpion, Rain, Reptile, Noob Saibot, and Ermac had staged a coup against Oprah and her legion of warriors and had come to defend the humans!  Humanity now had a fighting chance!

Sub-Zero blew a freezing kiss directed towards Oprah across the room... but then as they leapt into action and the chilly kiss slammed against an unseen barrier I woke up

...

I hate missing the good parts

Photo Credits: Oprah, Baraka, Capoeira