My sister and I were back home in my parents' bedroom watching some Saturday morning cartoons (anyone remember when they were actually good?) when in busts this 8 foot tall dude decked out in a full suit of fancy medieval armor brandishing a massive longsword. Caught off guard, he bum rushes me while my sister nimbly rolls out of the way. Using my teleportation skills (I have magical powers!) I quickly recover and appear behind him with my sister and try to channel Harry Dresden from Jim Butcher's novels, screaming something along the lines of "ventas servitas" trying to summon a gust of wind to pin him against the bed. He repels my attack and the gust of wind turns against me as he gets up and runs down the hallway. Meanwhile, I try to set him on fire with my mind. To no avail, I try to follow him through this set of doors which actually don't exist.
Little did I know he had turned invisible and changed out of his clanking metal armor into stealth sleeveless leather huntsman gear as he sneaks past me back into the bedroom and shuts the door. After I struggle against the invisible force field he'd created, I find him visible, viciously attacking my sister with daggers... but she manages to hold him off using some super awesome ninja skills! He turned to face me as I seethed with protective rage and said, "You bastard that's my sister!" (I really do have a way with words) and faced him off for a duel.
He ends up tripping over a random toilet that's appeared because the bedroom has turned into a gleaming marbled bathroom. As he crashes down, I start going at him in blind vengeance, cutting into him with a ceramic knife I conveniently had in my pocket repeating over and over, "This is what you get for attacking my sister!" I couldn't bring myself to actually kill him, so instead I sprayed perfume all over him (assuming it had a high enough alcohol concentration to make his wounds burn, obviously) and then threatening to set him on fire. As he lays in the bathtub, he then taunts me telling me to finish the job I started, that he's actually a giant and thus is basically a rogue with +1000 STR so no one can stop him and either to continue torturing him or end his life preserved in a noble fight to the death and so on an so forth.
Here I decide I should be polite and ask the dude how exactly he would like me to proceed. Turns out he's always wanted someone to inflict a gory wound to his upper arm. I was like, "All right" and proceeded to use my knife to inflict a clean surgical cut from the tip of his bicep to the back of his tricep, exposing the warrior's arm down to the bone. Apparently this is where giants' guts are kept because it wasn't just simple muscle, fat, and bone as you'd expect, but instead there's some weird shapes that look uncannily like intestines and his kidney (weird, right?).
I immediately felt super bad and offered to heal his wounds (using my magic powers of course) and that we'd part as friends; but he stated that this was what he wanted and refused care. He did assure me that we were in fact friends after this debacle (/tear). However, as he started to pass out from the blood loss I took it upon myself to pull some Reckoning-style healing (which I saw hot-keyed as R1+Circle) and concentrate, making some incredibly embarrasing grunting noises with my hands on his arm and back in an effort to close his wounds so he wouldn't die
...
Then I woke up and had to pee
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