Miley Sued For Gamma Ray Use

As Miley Cyrus, I was in the middle of figuring out which of my lives I liked better: a small town country bumpkin or *sticks hands underneath armpits and then takes a huge whiff* a SUPASTAH!  Naturally, this contemplation was brought about because I had fallen in love with two men from two different worlds (because boys are and should definitely be the most pivotal catalyst in a teenage girl's life).  I had refused to leave them behind while I toured the countryside, so I brought them both with me on my worldly exploits, each with his own trailer.

I was on my way to somewhere that I assumed was a concert, with prairies turning into mountains turning into forest as road signs flashed by saying "50 miles to go!" then "what's 40-10 miles to go?" then "wtf is math doing on a sign" then finally "3 miles to go - you're almost there!!!".  I was upset because I couldn't figure out which life (read: guy) I should choose because I woke up feeling a bit randy that morning and wanted both.

We reached our destination and it turns out to be the outside of courtroom.  Here my perspective was wrenched out of Miley's head and I became her dad, Billy Ray Cyrus.  Thank God because being trapped in a girl's body was just disorienting as hell.  Anyway, Kristin Chenoweth comes trampeding into the courtroom waiting area dressed in a white cowboy outfit fuming at me saying how she knows how I've been dating other women and that I'll never find anyone as good as her (Agreed. That woman is a siren goddess).

Kristin then executes an impressive series of gymnastic tumbles and dance moves before landing in a front split with her hand extended saying, "You'll never find a woman who can do that and more for you Billy Ray!"  Taking her hand, I shrink her down to doll size, rummaging under her 10-gallon hat for her unconscious tiny body and putting her in my pocket.  And whaddyaknow, she had Wonder Woman's Lasso of Truth (!)... which I take of course (spoils of love and war eh?)

Courtroom proceedings commence and it turns out Miley had directed a movie that involved the illegal use of gamma radiation (yay science!).  Suing her was this stupidly intimidating man with a dark black goatee who accused her of using helicopters to drop gamma-irradiated powder (yay questionable science!) on the actor while he performed in her movie, thus transforming him into a rampaging green Tyrannosaurus rex (personally I'd be pretty thrilled at this prospect since he can apparently turn back into a man...).

They played a clip of the film which clearly showed the man becoming a T-rex, throwing up clouds of dirt and dust while his co-actors screamed and fled from the scene.  Miley tries defending herself by saying that all she wanted to do was re-create Jurassic Park as close to reality as possible... earning her enthusiastic applause from the entire courtroom and a guest appearance by Dr. Hank Pym and the Wasp (original Avengers members in the comic books) saying how they vehemently supported her decision to make people into dinosaurs.  Justice wins again!

Next up on the courtroom's agenda: The General Populace vs. Science.  A city in Europe had been shrunken down to 1/1000th of its size using a giant bubble and the outside world was outraged; however, the city's population was ecstatic because they were contributing to the alleviation of world hunger

...

Then I woke up to construction workers jack hammering outside my window

Photo Credits: Miley/Hannah, Lasso of Truth, T-Rex