Business Jets and Softball

San Francisco. Big break. I've just been hired on as a biomedical consultant for Maximus's engineering firm.  Think tall glass buildings surrounding verdant gardens of peace and serenity and an absolutely absurd starting salary.  It is in one of these gardens that they've decided to introduce me to the entire company.  I felt honored and privileged .. even though I had no idea what the hell I was supposed to be doing for these people.  I assume something important.

After exchanging pleasantries, we had to come up with a way to decide how to proceed with the company.  This was done through a fun game where we threw cards at each other's faces like Gambit, and whoever got the most of their cards to hit got to decide what the next step in the business would be. Danger adds excitement to any professional meeting!

Soon as the winner was decided (not me because my aim blows), the president declared, "Onwards!" and the garden was transformed into a jet.  Suddenly we're cruising along the highway, pushing cars this way and that making our way through in our garden cabin jet.  Our destination was close enough to not need to take flight, but jets seemed the preferred mode of transportation of Max's company.  Garden cabin jets are not safe for transportation.  There are no seat belts.

We arrive at a beautiful church and I'm urged on to participate in the indoor lesbian softball game that's going on inside (sorry, apparently my dreams embrace to stereotypes).  I was playing catcher, but between me and the batter there was a partially lowered prison-style gate.  As such, I could not return thrown balls but had to instead bounce them under the gate, kinda like when you're playing a game of beirut and you've got to bounce the ball into the cup. Luckily, I didn't have to do much and the girls were super welcoming!

Long story short, we won the game, but then had to listen to what I can only recall as THE MOST BORING SERMON EVER.  I do believe those exact words flashed in fluorescent lights above the pulpit erected at the pitcher's mound.  I tried to leave, sneaking out one of my coworkers with me.  However, my escape was not meant to be and we were called back to play another game of softball.  The game commenced with the sacrificing of a goat upon the pulpit.

...

Then I woke up and wanted waffles.

Photo Credits: Garden Skyscraper, Jet, Softball, Goat Sacrifice